HIV – Live Art Alive

Tell Me How It Ends

Written by Tasha Dowd

Directed by Gitika Buttoo

LIVERPOOL EVERYMAN

It’s the 60th year of Liverpool Everyman and fittingly the theatre is celebrating by looking forward and showcasing new work. Tasha Dowd is a graduate of the theatre’s new writing programme for young people. Her debut play Tell Me How It Ends celebrates and commemorates a particular period of social history that has often gone under the radar in the story of the AIDS crisis. Focusing on the late 80’s and early 90’s the plays looks at the work of the lesbian community who tirelessly volunteered their time; in many instances their blood, sweat and tears to support all the men in Liverpool dying from AIDS and related illnesses.

This is a meticulously researched play that is filled with period appropriate cultural references and references local clubs in Liverpool at that time. The belting soundtrack includes Whitney Houston and The Communards and local Liverpool groups such as Echo And The Bunnymen and The Christians. Books and films are also central to the narrative as volunteer Aster attempts to connect with Marc though sharing books like Misery, The Silence of the Lambs and watching movies such as The Bodyguard together.

This two hander has Emmy Stonelake as Aster who is a lesbian supporting Marc played by Luke Sookdeo who is HIV and on AZT drug cocktails as the hospital struggle to increase his T cell count. Stonelake really shines in this role giving her character an awkward, bumbling charm and a dry, sly wit. Her initially infuriating habit of always giving away the endings of books and films becomes a poignant metaphor for what is to come as Marc’s life is cruelly cut short. Sookdeo struggles a bit in the early hospital scenes which simply require him to be weakened and warily resistant to Aster’s help. As his character gets physically stronger the Sookdeo starts to hit his stride and Marc becomes more fleshed out as the duo become firm friends.

There is a lovely choreography to the scenes as Grace Goulding makes use of every element of the clever set design by Katie Scott. There is energy and flow to scenes that move from the hospital to Aster’s flat, Marc’s B&B to the disco and the really captivating cinema scene. The story moves from the unlikely pairing sparring on a hospital ward to them making a bucket list to make the most of Marc’s remaining life. For such a young writer Tasha Dowd has a light touch and manages to avoid a mawkish drawn death scene. Aster’s big final speech is genuinely heartfelt and impassioned but risks preaching to the converted.

In recent years there has been a lot more writing about this era and it’s impact as we grappled with the horror of HIV and AIDS. This production feels like filling in another part of the story of a particular group of volunteers and the people they supported. I worked on the telephone counselling lines in Manchester and helped organise the fundraising so I remember the tears, the rage, the fear and despair and the laughter. It was an extraordinary time and should never be forgotten. Tell Me How It Ends evokes the era extremely well and is as much about learning how to live on our own terms as it is about preparing for death in a way that gives an individual some autonomy.

Liverpool Everyman 12th – 22nd June 2024

TOXIC

Small Theatres

Written by Nathaniel J Hall

Directed by Scott Le Crass

A Dibby Theatre production commissioned by HOME

HOME

TOXIC is a semi-autobiographical piece from writer, actor and HIV activist Nathaniel J Hall. Six years on from the premiere of First Time which I saw in 2017 at Sale Waterside, at Edinburgh Fringe in 2018 and at CONTACT in 2021, its time to see what that tricky “second album” looks like. This is an exploration of how two troubled souls forged a trauma bond but sadly as Hall says This is the story of how we met, fell in love, and f*cked it up. The piece looks at how intoxicating love can disintegrate into something damaged and ultimately toxic. Woven through this love story gone wrong is a powerful look at the personal impact of his HIV diagnosis as a teenager and his partners’ experience of growing up mixed race in a sometimes violent household while both were also grappling with coming to terms with their own sexuality.

That’s a lot to pack into a 90 minute show and deal with any of the subject matter with any depth or sensitivity. In the main TOXIC does a lovely job of vividly evoking two flawed characters that have charm and real substance. Hall exudes winsome vulnerability and Josh-Susan Enright gives a warm rich depth to their performance. Watching them meet and fall in love it’s easy to root for a happy ending even as the show opens with an unabashed ending spoiler. There is something joyfully endearing about this boxfresh couple building a domestic life together with a dog and a DFS sofa. However the broken windows of a cleverly claustrophobic set by designer Lu Herbert already hints at the tragedy yet to unfold. Hall breezily blends glib humour and sly asides into his writing which counterbalances some of the more uncomfortable subject matter without sacrificing the power of the narrative. He may gleefully suggest we just call us your friendly neighbourhood red flags but when he recalls situations where he was called unfuckable because of his HIV status it is hard not to feel the pain in that recollection.

The on stage chemistry between Hall and Josh-Susan Enright is palpable and the latter feels like a perfect foil as the more experienced lover. One is ready to retire their party lifestyle whereas the other is still curious and hungry for the experience denied him before the game changing introduction of PrEP. Their blend of domesticity and drug fuelled partying leads to hook up apps and threesomes that descend into paranoia and jealousies that destroy their happiness. In the main the story is well paced and highly engaging. However there are points towards the end where the show seems to flounder a little. Hall seems breathy in some of his delivery and the fight scene doesn’t quite resonate as it could. Overall this is an assured production that looks great and is cleverly lit by Tracey Gibbs especially in the moments where the visual effects seem to bathe the cast and set with an insidious splatter effect that echoes germs multiplying in a petri dish. The dividing stage is a surprising and startlingly effective way of depicting how broken this couple now are. As Hall says Hurt people hurt people. There is a lovely and reassuring sense of maturity in this insight…something to be truly proud of whatever race, gender or sexuality you may be. There is never shame in recognising our own flaws or damage when we are open to learning and healing.

HOME 18th – 28th October 2023

Dibby Theatre

First Time

Large Theatres

Writer and Performer Nathaniel Hall

Director and Dramaturg Chris Hoyle

CONTACT THEATRE

I saw First Time when it premiered at Waterside Arts in 2018. It was World Aids Day and I sat in the audience remembering all the young men I had worked with at Manchester Aidsline, now George House Trust. It was a profoundly moving and life affirming experience. It was impossible not to weep for old friends long passed away but also to celebrate all those lives now saved by medical advances. I saw the show again in 2019 when it had a hugely successful run at Edinburgh Festival. So watching it for a third time exactly three years on, I wondered if it would still pack the same powerful emotional punch.

Living in a global pandemic would an audience perhaps have sympathy fatigue or just be too shell shocked from Covid-19 to really care about the story of a young man who was once a Head Boy in Stockport? A 16 year old boy who once upon a time ate a stolen chicken and stuffing sandwich from Boots. A 17 year old boy who was utterly alone when he was given a HIV diagnosis. A young man who struggled with such shame, fear and sadness that it was 14 years before he could share his diagnosis with his own family. A full house in the theatre, a sea of candles glimmering in the darkness and a standing ovation was proof enough that this production still has the power to resonate and inspire.

There is something deeply special about First Time as Nathaniel Hall’s experience of living with HIV breaks through stigma and shame and celebrates the messy, often fucked up ways in which we humans navigate pain and trauma in order to survive and hopefully thrive. Hall is working the room from the moment the audience starts to fill the space, charming and fizzing with bonhomie and wisecracks. He has an uncanny knack for drawing you in as he tidies up the scene of last night’s party and cheerfully glugs gin from a lurid bumbag and sniffs white powder from a dubious plastic sachet. He is setting a scene that celebrates living life on his own terms.

Chris Hoyle directs the performance with a really tender touch which belies some of the brittleness that could easily overtake aspects of this piece. By bringing out the warmth and humour in the writing, he ensures that the story is never mawkish or self pitying. He gives Hall space to be vulnerable and perhaps in this production there are also tinges of darkness that feel more harrowing than in previous stagings. There is a truly chilling moment where the man he is now revisits that first relationship and is confronted by the boy he was then, being bathed by his older lover. In that moment his trauma is not just about getting HIV on his first time but about the distress he experiences as he reevaluates what had previously felt so romantic and now seems something more sinister.

This production ticks so many boxes. It is well-crafted and excellent storytelling which charts a journey from naive teenage boy enjoying a first romance through to the shock and isolation of a HIV diagnosis and finally to the acceptance of a young man educating and advocating for others. It entertains and crucially it also informs around current important information around HIV, PrEP, anti-retrovirals and U=U- Undetectable=Untransmittable. It is also a production for everyone and a powerful reminder that as with any infection risk we all need knowledge to be empowered to make positive choices for ourselves and others. Let’s hope that if First Time ever takes its final curtain call that its because there simply are no new cases of HIV.

CONTACT 30th Nov- 4th Dec 2021

Dibby Theatre

First Time

Small Theatres

WatersideArts

Written by Nathaniel Hall

Directed by Chris Hoyle

It is 100 years since the end of WW1 from which so many young men never came home or were permanently altered or scarred from their war experiences. A lost generation still mourned today. It is 70 years since the introduction of our beloved NHS which has saved or prolonged so many lives and continues to do so today. It is 30 years today since the very first World AIDS day dedicated to raising awareness around HIV and AIDS and commemorating those who have died from an AIDS related illness. It is one week since I saw The Inheritance Parts 1 and 2 which poignantly honours that whole generation of mentors, friends, family and lovers who died from Aids related illnesses. A lost generation still mourned today.

Last night I saw Nathaniel Hall’s one man show First Time, which tells his story of contracting HIV at barely 17 from his first sexual relationship. A boy teetering on the brink of Adulthood he had a positive first gay relationship but barely months later had a shocking diagnosis that changed his life and must have seemed for him like the party was well and truly over before it ever had a chance to properly begin.

I don’t want to use the term brave to describe this performance but it is difficult not to. This is work that is searingly honest, and while it may feel liberating for the writer/performer to now be able to tell his story, it also makes him incredibly vulnerable. It exposes him as he explores his shock, shame and denial on his slow journey towards accepting his situation and finding his own path to healing. This is a celebration of the human capacity to survive and find hope in the darkest places.

Working with dramaturg and Director Chris Hoyle, Hall has developed his work into a delicately pitched performance that can move from gallows humour and raw despair into whimsical charm and impish wit. Throughout his performance Hall exudes grace and charm, interacting with the audience with a natural warmth. Even at its darkest moments it feels like Hall is always mindful of his potential audience and ensures the performance never becomes maudlin or slips into being self- pitying.

The staging is effective in the small intimate space, fluidly allowing for scenes on park benches, hospitals appointments, his bedroom or at the school prom. The lighting and sound capture the essence of magical moments such as the slow dance under the mirror ball with an audience member which so neatly encapsulates a life that would never be. Squirty string effectively conjures up the experience of projectile vomiting during illness, while the sinister ticking clock and disembodied fragments of voice-over chillingly convey the puncturing of Hall’s whole world on initial diagnosis.

First Time is also a homage to the NHS and to the wonderful work of The George Trust which has worked so tirelessly to provide support to those living with HIV or with Aids. It is evident how vital this support has been to allow Nathaniel Hall to find his own path to holding no blame and no shame. The scene in which Manchester rain pours down as Hall stands under an illuminated umbrella with the audience all quietly holding tea lights in remembrance of a lost generation is a masterstroke of quiet reflection and genuine shared emotion. Sitting in that theatre last night watching First Time reminded me of the first time I worked the telephone counselling line at Manchester Aidsline over 30 years ago. It was a full house last night, but I can’t help feeling it was also filled many times over by the spirits of all those young men no longer here, who would have also been loudly and proudly applauding Nathaniel.

Waterside Arts 29th Nov – 1st Dec